5 Things to Know if your Friend is Considering Adoption for her Baby
5 Things to Know if your Friend is Considering Adoption for her Baby
If you have a friend who is considering adoption, you might find yourself struggling to understand her choice, not knowing what to say, how to act or feel about it. Here are 5 things to know if your friend is considering adoption for her baby.
Pregnancy Options Counseling is Important
Pregnancy and Adoption Support helps expectant families evaluate their options, connect with resources and make a plan for the choice that is right for them. If adoption is the choice she is leaning towards, this decision is not final until the baby has been born and legal documents have been signed and up until a week after signing. She should never be pressured or coerced into this decision.
You can support your friend by checking in to make sure she has access to a good counselor who is discussing these options and not pressuring one decision or another.
2. She is NOT “giving up a baby”. She is making an adoption plan.
If she is considering adoption, she is making a choice about what she believes is best. Birth parents make a lot of choices in the process- they choose the family, they choose the type of contact they want before and after the baby is born. All of our adoptions are open, which means all of our adoptive families desire an open relationship with the birth family because they understand the relationship is important. . Ultimately, the level of openness will be up to the birth parents.
You can support your friend by using adoption positive language, by taking time to learn more about the process of making an adoption plan.
You can support your friend by validating her feelings(good or bad) surrounding her pregnancy and praising her efforts to think through her options.
3. Be a Sounding Board
Throughout pregnancy, during labor and delivery, and after birth, she will experience a wide range of emotions. She needs space to work through her feelings. You can be a sounding board and a space for her to process. We suggest examining your own feelings and attitudes about adoption as they will show in how you react and discuss her circumstances. This decision is one she will live with for the rest of her life, be cautious about sharing your own opinions and be as unbiased as possible so she can reach her own decision.
A woman considering adoption for her child will have significant reasons as to why she feels this is best. These reasons are deeply personal but if you are sure she is working with a counselor, you know she has professional support. If she does decide to share her reasons, be kind and non-judgmental.
You can support your friend by giving her a safe space to process.
4. Celebrate her Sacrifice
In lieu of a baby shower, why not shower her with encouragement and admiration? You could give her pampering items for the hospital stay, journals, encouraging art work or other self-care items. Birth parents decide to put the wellbeing of their children first and sacrifice a lot to do that- these brave parents should be celebrated for their sacrificial love.
You can support your friend by showering her with love and encouragement.
5. Support and Healing
If your friend places her child for adoption, she will need time to grieve and move forward from that experience. Encourage her to meet with her adoption counselor or find a local Knee to Knee © Birth Mother Support Group.
You can support your friend by helping connect her with quality adoption support.
It’s not easy to watch someone you care for experience something difficult. Thank you for caring about your friend and taking the time to learn how to best support her during one of the most difficult times of her life.