Honoring Our Son's Culture: Charlie, Susan and Sibin

“Looking for ways to integrate aspects of the child’s previous life experience can be critical to building attachment and smoothing that transition — to say nothing of the long-term benefits of helping the child to remain connected with his or her cultural identity.”

Our son, Sibin, was 11 years old when we brought him home from China.

For any child adopted across cultures, the transition into a new family comes with a specific set of challenges. But looking for ways to integrate aspects of the child's previous life experience can be critical to building attachment and smoothing that transition -- to say nothing of the long-term benefits of helping the child to remain connected with his or her cultural identity.

Eating culturally-familiar food is perhaps the easiest way to help smooth a child's transition into a new home. We did this by scouring local food blogs and review sites looking for authentic Sichuan-style cuisine. We dined in and also bought take-out that we could eat at home and use the food for Sibin's school lunches. He loved bringing his familiar Chinese foods to school, chewing chicken feet down to the nub while his classmates looked on with a combination of disgust and amazement.

We have also encouraged our son to read Chinese-language books and watch Chinese-language films, in addition to exposing him to English-language learning content. Reading and watching Chinese content gives him a reprieve from the vast new English-language world he now found himself inhabiting. It also communicates to him that we are supportive of his cultural identity, even while we also encourage him to work hard on his English learning and introduce him to books and films from our own cultures, backgrounds and childhoods.

In our experience, sports has also been a way to connect Sibin's life in China with his new life with us. He often played soccer while at the orphanage, and so he was eager to play in a house soccer league in our town. While kicking a ball around in a park or driving from a team practice, our son sometimes mentions snippets of his soccer experiences back in China. Besides giving Sibin joy, treating soccer as a family activity also helps us to strengthen that bridge that connects his past with our present and future.

Finally, we were blessed to meet our son's caretakers and social worker at the orphanage in China. Because of this connection, we have been able to maintain periodic contact with them via WeChat. We will occasionally send them a few photos or schedule a video chat between them and our son. Sibin has also been able to chat or meet up with several of his friends who were adopted by other families in the US.

We hope and pray that all these activities and connections will aid Sibin's continued development and attachment to us -- and that God will use them to fashion him into the man he wants him to be.