Leaning on Faith in Adoption

Adoption is a lifelong journey, and one that requires each member of the adoption triad to lean on faith in varying ways.    While it’s normal for us to want to try to control everything, those who are traveling the adoption journey will be reminded frequently that we are not in control but that God is.  For adoptees, faith is important for understanding the “why”s, and knowing that God had a plan for you that was unique and could only be ordained by him. For the adoptive parents, faith in the home study process, in the waiting period, in the adoption and how to navigate the hard questions you’ll face as your child grows up. For birth parents, faith in making an incredibly hard decision, faith in the openness agreement and how to navigate tough conversations with their child as they grow up. And lastly, for the adoption professional, trusting God and having faith that He is the one in control, especially when helping families navigate times of waiting, doubt, and disappointment. 

This month, we invited adoptive mother Caitlin Witt to share with waiting adoptive families how faith has influenced her adoption journey.  The two main points she drove home were 1) It’s okay to have strong feelings, and 2) It’s okay to not be in control.

1.       It’s okay to have strong feelings. As believers, we sometimes feel when something bad or sad happens, we need to put on a smile and be okay but if we look to Jesus as our example, we see that he wept at death and got angry at injustice. If we are made in his image, we too are supposed to feel these things and feel them deeply. During Caitlin’s adoption experience, she had to remind herself that there was nothing wrong with experiencing these emotions. The ways she grieved during her adoption journey:

a.       The waiting process

b.       Not being chosen by a birth mom

c.       When they were chosen, the reality of what her son’s birth mom would face and leaving the hospital alone

d.       To now have an amazing 2 year old who may not have the opportunity to meet his birth mom or know much of where he came from

So what do we do with these feelings? First acknowledge them, then, turn them over to God in prayer. “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God” Phil 4:6.

2.       It’s okay to not be in control. It’s easy to go through life thinking you are in control, until something very out of your control happens. During her adoption journey, Caitlin had little control over anything, but knowing Who was in control of the entire process is and how her family survived. She was reminded of the words, “Not as I will, but as you will”. Praying the desires of Jesus’, and acknowledging that she is not in control but she commits all that she is to the one who is in control, bringing her peace.

Having an ability to grow during the many opportunities presented through the adoption process instead of break is a good reminder that the Holy Spirit is always at work in any ties of trouble or distress, and that our loving Father was in control of all that was, is and would come to pass.

Thank you, Caitlin, for sharing your thoughts on how you were able to lean on faith in your adoption journey.